Tisha b’Av 5771 falls this year on August 8, 2011. It is ten days away. It will mark the end of the three week period on the Jewish calendar during which many Jews remember and reflect on several pivotal and dark chapters of Jewish history. Tisha b’Av has never been a regular part of my personal Jewish calendar. I didn’t go to a Jewish overnight camp. I wasn’t a teacher of Judaism during the summer months. I knew about the 9th of Av from textbooks but it simply hasn’t been a part of my Jewish experience.
Although this is a time of sadness and deep reflection on the Jewish calendar that is not what occupies my mind. I am not thinking about what some call the saddest day in Jewish history; a date which shook the very essence of Jewish/Israelite religious life. I am not dwelling on events which could have broken our people and put into serious question our connection to God. I am deep in reflection on the status of my own life. I am contemplating but not mourning, my own loss of good health. I am recognizing the bump in my life journey. Nobody saw it coming, least of all me. There were no signs on the road that said “slow bump ahead”. Still, my mood does not coincide with the sadness which the Jewish calendar would otherwise dictate.
Eleh ma’asei b’nai Yisrael, these are the journeys of the children of Israel. That is the opening line of this week’s Torah portion, simply called, Massei, “Journeys.” The GPS for my journey has inadvertently led me to a place of major reconstruction on the roads. The calm, gentle voice to whom we refer in my family as “Judy” is telling me that my route needs to be recalculated. I have a really awful sense of direction, so this is not good news. In recent weeks, however, I have learned that for the journeys of my life that really matter (and that are not on a literal road) my sense of direction is more than adequate! In recent years, y spiritual journey has been a priority. As directionally challenged as I know I am on a literal road, I’ve positioned myself perfectly on the spiritual by-way. Nourishment, love and support are pouring in on me. God is winking at me with an impish smile. She has moved from my peripheral vision to fill the expanse of the space all around me. I can listen. I hear and I know that I am blessed. I am grateful for all of the opportunities that have come my way and for the ability to see opportunity even behind an outrageous disguise.
John Lennon wrote (and sang) “life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.” I’ve had that experience a myriad of times. Usually it has been in the form of chance encounters with people or events that have become vital connectors or participants in my life journey. And usually, upon reflection, they were not as “chance” as I’d thought, but rather a result of my having been open or reaching out to receive them. This is the most significant time that life has “happened at me”. It barged in, uninvited. And yet, I have watched myself move through the days with a grace that I have prayed for but wasn’t sure I had. I understand that my way of life will be inconvenienced for the foreseeable future, but it is not broken and certainly not destroyed.
The vehicles through which I have sought a connection with God have become more visible, less camouflaged since my cancer diagnosis. Having been confronted with the reality of life’s transience has reinvigorated the possibility of my making it a blessing for myself and I hope, for others whose lives I touch. I am very grateful for the many who have joined me on this less than desirable spectrum of the human experience and for their abundant blessings which embrace me every day. I pray for the strength and courage to maintain my ability to receive and to give.
