March 23, 2015
Talking with
our children about God
It was late Friday afternoon. A friend, who is a congregational rabbi, had
emailed me. It had slipped her mind that
she had a family program on Sunday for her 2nd and 3rd
grade families. The subject was “Talking
about God with your children”. She knew
what she would say to the parents when they were with her alone. Could I please help her with a project for
the parents and their kids to do together.
That was what I was thinking about as I walked to Kabbalat
Shabbat services at my friend Micah’s house.
The room where Micah would lead his original musical Kabbalat Shabbat
service was slowly filling up. Micah sang from his soul. Most individuals in the room seemed to
connect with him very easily. Each one settled into her own prayer mode. To me it felt like most slipped easily into
his own level on the spectrum of ecstasy. When I am comfortable in a prayer
community my goal is to connect with God but that goal is rarely achieved. I pray with my eyes open, usually. Sometimes I observe a person, often a child
in a communal setting, whose way of being present helps me feel God’s
presence. This Kabbalat Shabbat was such
a time.
“D,”[1]
a two year old little girl, was there as she usually is. She is the daughter of a colleague of mine. After
a snack, she watched and listened but mostly she went from one person she knows
to another. She came to my friend
Melilla who was sitting on the floor in front of me. She would sit on her lap for a few seconds
and then get up and return to her Mom. About 30 seconds later, she was back
again. Melilla put her hands out, palms
up and “D “ put her hands, palm down, on Melilla’s. After a few visits to Melilla’s lap, “D” changed her repertoire of behaviors. Instead of
returning from her Mom to Melilla’s lap, she stood in front of Melilla. She stared at Melilla’s face. She tilted her head, apparently to enable
herself to look more deeply into Melilla’s eyes. She leaned over slightly to get closer and
then she furrowed her brow. Melilla was
still. I couldn’t see her face. “D” was also
still, totally focused. I was witnessing
a spiritual connection as only a child can make.[2]
God’s presence was palpable for me. There were many present whose prayer had
invoked God-for themselves. I often feel
isolated in a room full of adults each one engaged in her own variety of
ecstatic praise of God. I’m simply not
there. But “D” reminded
me that in our most natural state, when we are able not to be constrained by
self-consciousness, sensing the presence of God comes quite naturally. For the umpteenth time in my life, my
enthrallment with a small child had reminded me that God is always present with
and for us; if only we can find that capacity to be open to connecting with God
which comes to us naturally as children, but often eludes us as we become
adults.
So motzei Shabbos I emailed my friend
with my idea for a parent-child project.
Make a book. The title will be: “Where in the world is God?” Bring in magazines or pictures from the
internet of things that reflect God’s presence in the world: nature pictures,
fruit or veggies growing, animals, bugs, oceans, blue or stormy skies, love;
the list is endless. The last page of
this book is the key. Get some shiny,
reflective paper that will act like a mirror. Have the child glue it on the
last page. She will look into it and see
herself. Ask the parents to take a look
in the mirror, too. It won’t surprise them that they will see a reflection of
their own faces in the mirror. They
might be grateful for the gentle reminder that God is in each of us-even, maybe
especially, when we don’t feel that Divine spark in ourselves. And there is the
answer to the question: Where in the world is God? God is everywhere, including inside each of
us. As human beings, and particularly as
Jews, we can bring God into our lives by actively reminding ourselves that
there is a Divine spark within each of us.
God will be in the place where the soul of one acknowledges the soul in
another. We stand
a better chance of letting God into our hearts and having the privilege of
walking through life feeling the comfort and safety of being in partnership
with God, when we remember that-and look for it in the mirror.
[1] Abbreviation
to protect privacy
[2]
Apropos to the title of this reflection, after years of witnessing parents and
children talking together, I have observed two things: First, it is more difficult for parents to
talk with their children about God than it is to talk with them about sex. Sex they know about and they can always rely
on a book if they don’t trust themselves to discuss it alone! They don’t know how they feel about God. Often,
for whatever reason they seem
disinclined to rely on somebody else’s words.
They are unaccustomed to saying “I don’t know” and they nervously, jump
to conclusions about what the child wants to know. I remember the classic story about a young
child going to his father and asking “Daddy, where did I come from?” His father became very nervous, his throat
was dry and beads of sweat were gathering on his forehead. “Well,” he said “I don’t know how to explain
it to you. It’s complicated.” Sensing he father’s anxiety the boy said
“Dad, I just want to know what city I was born in.”
The second thing I’ve learned by observing children
and addressing their questions about God is that children are naturally very
spiritual. It’s us adults, who in our
own anxiety, knock it out of them rather than cultivating it.
